Women - damned if we do and damned if we don’t!

‘I don’t want to travel too much’, I explained to a colleague. ‘I have friends I want to see, and a cat to care for.’

‘Well, I have a cat and a child’, came the short, rather superior reply; ‘so that is why I (with the emphasis on the ‘I’) can’t travel’.

‘Mmmm’, I thought. So does that mean if I don’t have children my needs are some how less valuable, and that I should be prepared to adapt my life at the drop of a home pregnancy kit just because I don’t have a baby on my knee?

Maybe I have a chip on my shoulder, or am over-sensitive?  But, aged 44 and still child-free (not choice but a combination of circumstances) what exactly am I for if I don’t breed? That’s the impression I get sometimes from the whole community, whether churched or unchurched.

The Reading Chronicle reports that 50 per cent of British women suffer low self esteem; are ‘people-pleasers and their own worst critics’. I sometimes think the reason has to be that we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

Have kids, and you’ve betrayed your female sisters in the work force; don’t have them, and you’ve failed to fulfil your obligation to play your part in sustaining the human race. Try and juggle the two and, unless you are Victoria Beckham and have several cosmetically enhanced nannies, you can end up exhausted and frustrated. Do not think I am criticising those mothers who work and have kids. Not at all; I applaud it. But it can be a challenge.

These are complicated times and one size does not fit all. Sadly, and I do mean sadly, I think the baby train has passed me by. However, I cannot believe that God’s love cannot extend to all of us, whether we are Mrs, Ms and/or mothers. So why is it that nearly 50 per cent of us, if that survey is true, still feel ‘less than’ or apparently so self critical?

Finding our way and God’s will is key, for me, in the modern maelstrom of mother/work/family/childfree-ness.

Sometimes, though, it is a painful journey. So often we women underplay our roles. I am ‘just’ a housewife is a phrase I hear all too often. How can you be ‘just’ a manager, accountant, counsellor, DIY expert, cook, nurse, cleaner and carer? It seems an impossible job description and few men would apply.

Get a pet then. I suppose that is one simpler and (literally) hairier solution. I have a cat and I love her to bits. There is no doubt she is a surrogate child. She has a personality and talks, in her cat like way, loudly. They grow up too quick, though, these days don’t they? I’ve banned her from operating the video and said ‘no!’ to the Ipod. Animals aren’t what they’re used to be!

Own too many pets and you could be in for a heavy fine. According to the Oxford Mail, some unruly professional dog walkers are causing havoc because their charges get out of control.

As one council officer puts it: ‘Some try to walk seven or eight dogs at a time, and we’ve got a problem trying to clean up their poo’. Parents everywhere will no doubt sympathise.

Clare Catford presents BBC Radio Berkshire’s Sunday morning programmme on 104.1, 104.4, 95.4 and 94.6FM