A Love that Frees us from Shame and Fear

Why do we have a tendency for excess? What are overeating, drinking too much, smoking and taking drugs, really all about? The Evening Post reports this month, that an eating disorder group has now formed at the Women’s information Centre in Silver Street, Reading. The Bucks Free Press discusses 24 hour drinking and whether there would be a market for it in High Wycombe.  The reaction from residents is mixed.

‘If people want to drink a lot they will find a way to do that, whether the pubs are open for 24 hours’ ­ is one student’s opinion; a local nurse gives us her view; ‘I think that it will just encourage more alcoholics and the penalties won’t be able to prevent that’.

Of course, a good meal and bottle of wine, do not an addict make. But when you consider that, according one set of health statistics, at least 1 in 10 women has an eating disorder, and a huge proportion of crime is drink related, it begs the question - why do so many humans have such difficulty with moderation?
As someone who battled with an eating disorder for most of my early adult life, I can give my perspective on this dilemma, but of course it is subjective and based on my own journey. For me, childhood wounds, and adolescent fears left me with a longing that could never be filled. Even the most passionate commitment to hard line evangelical Christianity did not ease my own disease. In fact, believing that God sent his son to die for my sin, left me wondering whether God was a sadist and whether I was just downright unlovable. I learned to repress my pain and dull the agony with overeating and purging.

When the pain got bad enough, I questioned it all ­ my faith, my values, my friends, my ideology, Christian or otherwise ­ basically all that I held dear. I have since come to realise, that possibly Christ was crucified because he had such a great sense of self being born of the Father. His truth was so terrifying that it highlighted all that was ‘diseased’ around him - the conflict, the prejudice, the violence, the pride, the hatred. To erase him was the response from those who could not bear the truth of his existence. God’s love is, of course bound up with his judgement, but there is never one without the other ­ and for those of us who carry shame and fear, that loving acceptance is paramount. I do not need an external judge, I have to face and fight my internal one every day already. I wonder how many others who use substances to excess, are facing this kind of pain too?  Pain is often hidden ­ but today’s criminals seem to want to make a celebrity splash when they go about their business. The Reading Chronicle reports how a raider wearing a luminous coat looted thousands of designer clothes from a shop in Caversham Road. He left the scene of the crime in a high visibility jacket and in a white Ford Escort van. Perhaps, he had a passion for road safety? Or maybe it was just a very public fashion statement. God knows.

Clare Catford presents BBC Radio Berkshire’s Sunday morning show.