Well, we’ve moved. We’ve left Woodstock firmly behind and have arrived in the beautiful town of Wendover, Bucks. Considering how high up the list of stressful personal events a move is supposed to be, it was all relatively easy and straightforward. But, with the move behind me, the packing boxes emptied (yes, already!) I am faced with the reality of my ordination, which grows ever closer.
During the last few weeks at Wycliffe, we’ve been thinking about some of the immediate concerns related to taking up a post as an ordained person.
We’ve considered financial issues such as tax and pension, visionary aspects of leadership, and being involved in effective teamwork to name but a few.
However, the question I am most challenged by is one I found myself faced with the other day; ‘who am I going to be once I am ordained?’ This might sound a strange question, who after all, can I be? But I find myself doubting who I am, wondering perhaps if I should become more sombre, more serious. Perhaps I should change the way I dress?
Perhaps I should take on board the comments that will no doubt be made and model myself around what people want me to be? Perhaps I should try to fit the mould?
This, would be no easy task for, as a friend said to me recently, ‘if there was a cardboard cutout of a typical clergy person, it would not be modelled around you!’ And I know he is right, I am not ‘classic’ curate material.
And so, do I dare to be me? Am I brave enough to defy expectations of what I should be like, what I should look like, what I should be interested in?
The answer I have come to is that I have to minister as myself, not try to conform or mould myself to someone I am not. It is an issue of integrity, and it is an issue of calling. I have no doubt that the people in Wendover would immediately see through me if I tried to wear a mask, or perpetually pretended to be someone else.
But perhaps more importantly, God has called me to minister to his people. I don’t need to try to be any one other than the person God has made me, and there is no one better at being me than me!
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