21st century marriage: what the Church can offer couples

As Prince Charles marries Camilla Parker Bowles in a civil ceremony followed by a blessing in St George’s Chapel, Windsor, the Revd Andrew Goddard examines the reasons for the general decline in church weddings.

The decision of the Prince of Wales to marry has caused much debate, not least because of his likely future role as Supreme Governor of the Church of England. Sadly much of this has focussed on the personal histories of this one couple. It would be much better if it was realised that, in this instance at least, the Royal Family is fairly representative of England as a whole.

We have seen a radical change in patterns of entry into marriage during the reign of Queen Elizabeth. Almost everyone is cohabiting with their partner when they get married, about one-fifth of marriages are remarriages for both parties (in over 40% of weddings at least one partner has been married before) and more and more people are getting married in civil ceremonies. 

In the early 1980s there were almost 120,000 weddings in the Church of England and the Church in Wales, about one third of all weddings. Two decades later the figure was under 60,000 and the ‘market share’ was down to a quarter. The latest figures for 2002 reportedly show a further drop and increasing ‘secularisation’ of marriage ceremonies. Less than a third of all weddings are now religious (all Christian denominations and faiths) whereas in the early 1990s, over half were.

Why is the church losing this traditional role in English society? There are a number of reasons. First, the marriage laws as they apply to the church ­ the residency requirements of banns, for example ­ may be a problem in some cases. There are major legal changes being planned to civil registration and a group headed by the Bishop of Newcastle is examining how the church might respond creatively to this.

Secondly, the change in the law to allow stately homes and hotels to be approved premises for civil marriage has had an effect. In 1996 when this started only one in ten marriages took place in such premises, it is now a quarter of all weddings.

Thirdly, the church’s official policy on remarriage during the lifetime of a former spouse was in the past very discouraging of such marriages. As a result, only 10% of Anglican weddings involved divorcees in the late 1990s whereas among Methodists and URC the figure was over 60%. The recent change in policy might have an effect here but it is still the case that the circumstances in which it would be right to marry someone with a surviving spouse from a previous marriage are ‘exceptional’. Only time will tell what this means in practice.

Fourthly, while the CofE has always specialised in ‘hatches, matches and dispatches’ fewer and fewer people have regular contact with their parish priest or parish church. It is not surprising if, even when it comes to such a momentous and for many people ‘sacred’ event as marriage, they no longer look for this within the context of Christian worship.  Fifth and finally, the rise in cohabitation prior to marriage, traditionally seen as ‘living in sin’ by the church, may make people less sure about approaching their local clergy to enquire about a wedding.

Marriage preparation

Does all this matter? It does for at least two main reasons. First, if approached by couples the church should (and usually does) offer marriage preparation. This is not provided for civil ceremonies and yet the almost universal experience of clergy and lay Christians involved in such courses is that they are greatly welcomed and valued by couples. It provides the church with an opportunity to share the wisdom of Scripture and Christian tradition with people otherwise cut off from these resources. It enables them to offer a positive Christian vision of marriage and family life and practical tools to help people. Second, marriage is in so many ways a picture of our relationship with God. It involves trust, forgiveness, reconciliation, commitment, faithfulness and love. Preparing people for marriage thus provides a context in which the good news of Jesus can be shared and its power to transform lives made obvious to people. 

The statistical picture may be discouraging but the church should not be ashamed of what it has to offer. Instead, through involvement at marriage fairs, publicity in local papers, providing marriage preparation and enrichment courses and various other means it should boldly offer to our nation the riches it possesses which nobody else can provide.

References:
www.cofe.anglican.org/lifeevents/weddings/

www.cofe.anglican.org/info/papers/reviewmarriagelaw.doc

Andrew Goddard is a tutor at Wycliffe Hall, Oxford and chair of FLAME, the diocesan group for Family Life and Education