The Revd Becky Bevan, Rector of the Aldermaston and Woolhampton benefice in Berkshire has found the number of weddings in the area, and particularly at the picturesque St Nicholas, Wasing has increased considerably over the past three years. With more than 72 weddings in the last year and 2012 looking to be even busier, Becky works with a team in the benefice to ensure that each wedding is a wonderful and memorable occasion. ‘We have to be really well organised, says Becky, “and we are proud of the quality of care and attention to details we give to each couple – our wedding co-ordinator is key to the success of our wedding programme.’ A retired priest is part of the team and works alongside the local clergy.

“Two of our churches are right next to wedding venues where civil ceremonies take place and they are popular for receptions. At Wasing Park (which recently won best wedding venue in a leading Brides’ magazine) over a third of the weddings take place in church and we are seeing an increasing number of services of blessing after a civil ceremony.”

Couples wanting a church wedding who live outside the parish have to ‘qualify’ by attending habitually for nine months. “They really love coming,” says Becky. “It’s great to see a church full of people in their 20s and 30s and such a privilege to be part of their spiritual journey. We find that a high proportion of the couples are keen to engage with the whole process in a way which goes beyond the minimum requirements.
“Thinking about faith fits naturally with the stage they are at in their lives – being in love, planning for the future, starting a family, all these things encourage greater reflection and openness. Often it’s standing room only on a Sunday. People have to get there early to get a seat.
“We are finding they are coming back after they are married and we are beginning to build relationships with them, so that is wonderful. It’s put us in touch with an age group the church has struggled with a bit.”

The benefice also runs a successful marriage course run by a team of volunteers. “It’s a mission opportunity and very much part of what we exist to do. On feedback forms couples say they have appreciated getting to know the church and the people at the church. The advantage of couples having to attend for nine months is that it gives them time to reflect on what it means to be married in church, indeed some couples have told us that the requirement to travel to church, has given them valuable time together to chat about issues of faith and life. It slows things down for them and gives breathing space.

“Of course there are big issues to be faced. Parish based ministry is not set up to minister in this way – there’s so much more we could do if we had the resources. I also assume other churches are losing weddings as couples look further afield for ‘the right’ church. Most crucially it remains to be seen whether the ongoing spiritual journey of these couples can be supported when the church they have made a connection with is not part of their local community. And all this driving long distances to church is not good for the planet!”

Simon and Rachel Chocian were one of the couples from Becky’s benefice. They said: “As we had both been to quite a few church weddings previously and had been attending church from a young age we knew what we wanted in the service, however the ‘wedding team’ were on hand to give us assistance .
“There was a full day’s wedding preparation in which we, and about another 20 couples, discussed marriage and why it was important for us to get married in a church, the layout of the wedding ceremony and questions regarding our relationship with each other, families and the future.

“The congregation, in particular the wedding co-ordinators, lay assistants and vicars made us feel very welcome during the run up to the wedding and so we wanted to try and continue those relationships after we got married. The first service we went to after we got married was so lovely as there were so many friendly faces and people came up to congratulate us and ask how our special day had been.”

The Revd Howard Thornton, Team Rector of the Cowley Benefice in Oxford was involved in the launch of the Weddings Project in Oxford and has found it has made it much easier to marry people in churches.

He said: “It is about letting couples know we want to do everything we can to help them be married in our church, and if we can’t, help them find one nearby that they will like. It gave us lots of ways to work with couples and help them find the wedding day that they really want.

“The Marriage Measure has made it much easier for everyone to be honest and up front. A lot of the couples we marry have been living together for at least three or four years and may already have children, so it’s not the start of their lives together. It is a big thing that they have come to the point where they want to be married.
Howard also runs an annual course, based on the Marriage Course material from Holy Trinity Brompton, with the Revd Margreet Armitstead from the nearby St Nicholas Church in Littlemore, with couples also being sent from St Mary and St John on Cowley Road. For fore on the Marriage Measure and the Weddings Project see www.yourchurchwedding.org.
 

COUPLES were delighted to speak to clergy who were able to dispel myths about church weddings and hand out information packs to help them plan their big day at the Guides for Brides wedding show at Eynsham Hall on 15th January.

The Diocesan wedding stands are being promoted by the Bishop of Dorchester the Rt Revd Colin Fletcher and are being piloted in the Dorchester area.
Debbie Dallimore who co-ordinates the project was at the show with the Revd Tony Adams and his wife, Iris, and the Revd Miri Keen. Debbie said: “The show was well-attended and a lot of couples were still undecided about whether to have a church wedding or civil wedding and were delighted that we were there to give them one of our wedding packs and to answer their questions. The mother of one bride-to-be came and thanked us as she was thrilled that we were able to talk to her daughter about having a church wedding.”

One couple said: “It is really good that you are here to inform people of the new changes as we assumed we couldn’t marry in church as we are not baptized.” Another said: “We didn’t realise we could have a blessing in church even though we are having a civil wedding.”

Alison Hargreaves, Director of Guides for Brides, said: “We are delighted that the Church has chosen Guides for Brides Wedding Fairs as an effective way to meet and speak to large numbers of brides and grooms, and the other wedding exhibitors are pleased to have the Church exhibiting alongside them.
“Many couples are uncomfortable approaching their local vicar, particularly if they aren’t sure about the protocol or regulations on Church marriages. By exhibiting at our wedding fairs the Diocese is making a clear statement that they are there to answer questions and are actively encouraging marriage in Church.”
The Diocese will be represented at the following future wedding shows:

• Sunday 12 February at Oxford Spires Hotel, Abingdon Road, Oxford.
• Sunday 4 March at Oxford Town Hall
• Monday 7 May at Bicester Golf and Country Club