Finding peace

Left paralysed after a motorbike accident when she was just 19-years-old, Jill Smith of Stanford in the Vale struggled for years to come to terms with her disability, until she finally found God. She tells Sally Jarman how faith has changed her life.

Plans for university and a veterinary career were cruelly dashed when teenage Jill Smith accepted a lift home from a dance on a friend's motorbike. She regained consciousness six weeks later in hospital to news that her injuries, sustained when the bike crashed, meant she would never walk again.

As she focused her hopes on the doctors and nurses tending her, Jill says that faith didn't feature in her life then. But looking back, she says she can now see that God was always with her:

'I was an angry and upset teenager then. I had to sell my ponies and couldn't do any of the normal things I had planned for my life. I felt a bit of a failure. Luckily the Lord had other ideas for me.'

Although she didn't finally accept him into her life for many years, she believes she has been blessed many times, not least with the constant presence of husband Dan.

A churchgoing boy from her village, Dan recognised the wreckage of the motorbike and soon visited Jill as she convalesced. They got talking and were married a few years later.

'He says he saw me unconscious and knew he had to look after me,' she smiles. The specially adapted home they now live in was built by Dan to give Jill as much independence as possible.

The couple were also blessed with three healthy sons, Tim, Glen and Philip, despite Jill's injuries. But even this did nothing to ease the anger she felt:

'I was frustrated that I couldn't do things with the boys that I wanted to and I hated being treated differently.'

Things came to a head one day when her first son was small; 'Two window cleaners came to our bungalow and said they would only charge me half price because I was a cripple!

'I was so furious with them, with everyone. It was awful. Then I heard Thought for the Day on the radio. It was a reading from Hebrews saying that we should welcome strangers who may be an angel in disguise.

'It really struck a chord. These men might have done without tea that night because they only charged me half price. They did what they did with the best of intentions and I had just been furious at them.'

Food for thought, but it wasn't until, with the boys all at school and a void in her days, she took up a neighbour's invitation to join her at church.

‘I finally took notice of Him tapping me on the shoulder,’ she laughs. She found she enjoyed the service and the fact that people didn't stare at her. Gradually she became more involved with various prayer groups, listening to speakers, and general church life, until in 1980 she was asked to become a lay reader:

'I talked to Dan about it and he said get on with it. So I did and was licensed in 1984. I preach in the Vale of the White Horse now, but at first, I used to go wherever they needed me in the deanery. I always thought I wouldn't enjoy preaching, but I love it.'

Her wheelchair and in recent years her beloved flat-coated retriever Kira, from Dogs for the Disabled, have opened doors in her ministry, she feels. Kira, especially, breaks down barriers as people will strike up conversation about her.

She's also a good companion and handy around the house, picking up and fetching things for Jill, and even opening and shutting doors on command. Another blessing – so has finding God changed her outlook on life?

'Oh definitely, yes! I feel more at peace and life has been so exciting. I never know what's going to happen next,' she says firmly.

Not all that has happened has been easy to deal with. Jill suffered disappointment when a worship group's prayers that she would walk again didn't result in the healing she yearned for.

She says, 'I was disappointed. I had gone home quite excited that the prayers would be answered. They weren't, but I think, instead, God has healed me spiritually. I now look at life in a different way. I treasure the fact that I see so many wonderful things because I can sit and notice them. Now my priority isn't to walk again but to spread the word of God, and I can reach people in my ministry because of my disability.'

Another blow came when Dan was diagnosed with leukaemia in 1988. Through chemotherapy, bone marrow transplants and stem cell treatments, it is their faith and the prayers of their church fellowship that has given them the strength to battle on.

She says: 'It was so awful when Dan was first diagnosed, and then it came back in 1994.  But I prayed and said that if God needed Dan then so be it. It lifted a care from my shoulders. But we're both still here.'

And while they both still have health concerns, Jill is optimistic about the future:

'A while ago at Lee Abbey in Devon I went to a service of indwelling of the Holy Spirit by a bishop from Hong Kong.

'I told him about Dan and about my accident and he told me “Jill don't be afraid. God hasn't finished with you yet”. And I don't think he has!'