Equal in God’s sight

The birth of a child with additional needs is life-altering for any family and finding acceptance, understanding and support within the church community is vital. At Greyfriars Church in Reading parents have formed SSKIP (Supporting Special Kids in Prayer). They told Sally Jarman how SSKIP had helped them and why they now want to pass on their experiences to others.

‘It was at the New Wine summer conference 3 years ago, which provides fantastic support for families with special needs children and young people, that we realised how many people were starved of regular support from their churches,’ says Ruth Pearse.

As mothers of children with additional needs themselves, Ruth Pearse and Karen Porter of Greyfriars Church, are no strangers to the isolation of trying to cope with the daily realities of their situation.

Karen says: ‘When we realised Lucy had special needs we went through so many emotions and had to make so many re-adjustments to how we had imagined our lives progressing. It was like a bereavement and the future was suddenly so unsure.

‘On a practical level everything we had taken for granted, from school provision to a simple evening out suddenly became more complicated and unknown. Even going to church didn’t feel so easy or welcoming. People aren’t intentionally unkind but when your child is behaving unusually and  others don’t understand you can feel that perhaps it would be best just not to be there.’

Church communities with their limited staff have many demands on their resources and so Ruth decided to form a self-help group for parents in the congregation in similar situations. With the support of the clergy at Greyfriars they held their first SSKIP meeting in the church’s coffee shop. They meet once a month and activities have since extended to social events including all the family.

Ruth explains: ‘Mainly we talk about our struggles and good and bad moments, and just about what our month has been like.

‘We are really open and honest. If someone feels angry with God there is no judgement. We have all been through it.’

As well as sharing information and experiences over coffee and chocolate the group prays together.

Karen says: ‘We feel we have had real answers to prayer and have seen that God doesn’t let us down.’

Both women feel they have grown in faith through their experiences and through the support of fellow Christians.

Karen says: ‘Spiritually we have been taken down a road we didn’t choose to go down. But I know now that God made my daughter and she is the way she is and can still be part of God’s plan and purpose.

‘For us, her family, God has opened up a whole new vision of the world and we see things – and people’s needs – in a different way now that could be of great benefit.’

Greyfriars also has a weekly service for adults with learning difficulties who might have difficulty accessing general services.

But not all churches are so proactive. Ruth recalls again the outpouring of emotion and need for unburdening and sharing at New Wine:

‘I realised I didn’t feel that need now that I had the support of SSKIP.’

Which is why SSKIP wants to pass on its experiences to others (see panel right for details of an upcoming event).
Speaking at the event will be the Revd Malcolm Duncan of Faithworks, a Christian organisation helping the church to serve local communities.

He told the DOOR: ‘It is the responsibility of all Christians to demonstrate in word and deed that all people matter to God. The Church is not just the building, it is every person who is part of the Body of Christ. If we are to reflect God’s heart we must honestly grapple with our failure to care for, serve and work alongside those who are disabled and their families.’

Alison Webster is Social Responsibility Adviser for the Oxford diocese. She told the DOOR: ‘It’s very good to hear of initiatives like SSKIP. Oxford Diocesan Board for Social Responsibility has a Health and Social Care Group which includes learning disabilities in its remit.’ Other disability issues are also addressed by the BSR.

For details contact Alison Webster.

Information evening

SSKIP wants to pass on its experiences and discoveries in supporting children with additional needs in the church community with a free evening event on Friday 20 October at 8pm in Greyfriars Church, Friar Street, Reading.
‘Special Kids, Special Needs’ is for parents and carers of children with additional needs (and others in the church community wanting to learn more). The evening will start with a talk by the Revd Malcolm Duncan of Faithworks and the opportunity to meet others in a similar position. There will be tips on starting points for developing prayer and support in your church, and a bookstall and information.

If you are interested in attending, email Karen.

Related Pages

Such a difference
The success of SSKIP (Supporting Special Kids in Prayer) is a clear signal to the church of the need for greater support and fellowship for people with special needs and their families, both practically and in prayer.

Useful contacts

‘Essentially Free, Best Practice Guidelines’, by the Dioceses of Canterbury and Rochester, helps churches assess their accessibility for people with disabilities. Tel 01622 755014, or go to their website. 

Through the Roof is an organisation committed to making the Christian message accessible to all. Call 01372 749955 for more details or see their website

Faithworks has resources to support individuals and help churches put their faith into practice serving their local community. For more information call 020 7450 9052 or see their website