Helping children cope with death

Coming alongside children and listening to their stories is always a privilege but never more so than when they share with you their deepest sadness and confusion following the death of someone they love very much. This has been my experience over the last 12 months since becoming a support worker for SeeSaw.

I will never forget the afternoon spent working with two little ones whose Daddy had died suddenly. We were working on a memory jar, remembering the happy and sad times with daddy as we coloured grains of salt with chalk to fill the jar with. It was one of those serious and yet profound conversations. Then the sky outside darkened and in a moment a blanket of snow fell covering the garden in deep white snow – the children ran excitedly outside dragging their mum and me with them to play in the fresh snow. Seriousness turned to laughter as for a moment we played together. Such is the ability of children to live in the reality of both sadness and laughter. It wasn’t that Daddy was forgotten for he was part of the play as happy memories of playing with Daddy were remembered.

It is said that the death of someone we love is the single most stressful event that we will ever experience in our lives. It is difficult enough for adults to come to terms with, but children don’t have the same natural support networks that adults have. SeeSaw have estimated that there are over 1,500 children and young people in Oxfordshire who are bereaved every year. Until SeeSaw was set up in June 2000, there was no co-ordinated response to their needs.

Since becoming fully operational SeeSaw has worked with 380 families and supported over 640 children. They have helped these children to understand and live in a world where someone they love is missing. They have explained the patterns of grief to parents, told children what to expect at a funeral and helped young people to explore and express their emotions. Parents of bereaved children have opportunity to get together and share their experiences. A leaflet for adolescents has been developed to help them make sense of their grief; an information sheet for parents to help them support their children through the loss of a grandparent; and a leaflet specifically for fathers of bereaved children. SeeSaw have also helped children and parents to prepare for a death in the family by providing practical ways to preserve the memories of the person who is dying.

SeeSaw have done all of this work with just 3 clinical members of staff and a team of 16
volunteer support workers.

As a support worker my role is to listen to the children as they talk about the confusion of death. To provide activities to help the children play out their fears and think of ways to remember the person who has died in a positive and celebratory way. However much I want to take the pain of the loss away I know that all I can offer them is a safe place to explore the pain for themselves, to give validity to their feelings and to give them the support they need to come to terms with their loss.

It costs SeeSaw £200,000 each year to run this valuable service and its continuation and development is dependent on people’s generous financial support.

If you would like to support the work of SeeSaw then why not, over this Christmas period, donate the proceeds of your carol concerts, church collections, personal offerings etc to this vital work. SeeSaw cannot take away the darkness of death but it can help to bring light into that darkness.

Thank you for your support.

For more information about SeeSaw or to make a donation contact Manon Bradley at SeeSaw, Bush House, 2 Merewood Avenue, Oxford. OX3 8EF Tel:01865 744768