I am a fool for Christ

‘The thing to remember about doing something for the first time, is that you will only do it for a first time once!’ These were words of encouragement from an experienced priest as I prepared to lead and preach for the first time last month. ‘First night’ nerves are intense and somewhat exhausting, but in a new job, a new parish, with new responsibilities, so much of what I am doing is for the first time.

Leading Sung Evensong was probably my most terrifying first. It is not a service I am used to, and the prospect of singing unfamiliar chants, unaccompanied, in front of a congregation (when normally the only solo singing I do is in the shower!) was nerve wracking to say the least. But after a hunt for the music (I have now informed Mark (Mark Dearnley, vicar) that the music is indeed written down, it is not simply genetic!), and numerous practices in my study, the service was a success. I think I got through it on the adrenaline nerves produce, encouraging nods from the Church Warden in the choir, and a sense of humour!

However, whilst the first sung evensong is under my belt, there are still so many firsts to come. Part of me would like to pretend that this is not the case and present myself as a fully competent, well-practised minister. Is this, I have wondered, simply an understandable desire to be professional or is there something more to it? If I am honest, part of this desire is a defence mechanism, a means by which I can set myself apart from ordinary mortals, avoid making the mistakes that so naturally occur when doing new things, and therefore avoid potential humiliation.

I am convinced, however, that this desire has no part in the ministry of a deacon, or indeed of anyone in church leadership. For, while Jesus was spared the embarrassment of dropping the communion wine, getting the names wrong at a wedding (or worse a funeral) or getting a stiletto heel stuck in the grate of the church floor, his entire ministry was one of humility: ‘And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!’ (Philippians 2:8)

As newly ordained deacons, therefore, we have a great example to follow of one who never attempted to set himself higher than others, but rather was willing to suffer the greatest humiliation of all. With his great sacrifice in mind, I for one am willing to be a fool for Christ.

Em Coley is a curate in Wendover and Halton, Bucks