How do you teach children about marriage and commitment? Revd Tony Lynn decided to hold a mini marriage service with some primary school children in his parish to bring lessons to life. What started as a small idea took on elaborate proportions as the children and parents began enthusiastic preparations for a day of joy and celebration.
Before the service, the children and I talked about weddings and marriage, with the emphasis on friendship. The discussion inevitably raised issues of marriages that break down, friendships that end, separations that occur. What struck me was the wisdom and interest of all the children. They know what goes on in homes.
Then came the day! Mothers in large flowery hats, fathers in suits and flowers in buttonholes, children in ever such smart clothing, some just a little too big! Ties, clean shirts, party shoes, bridesmaids dresses, bright flowers all over the place. You would have thought it was a real wedding! The groom, Oliver, assured me he was not nervous, but when the bride, Nell, appeared he did look a little sheepish! Nell and the bridesmaids had spent part of the morning having their hair done professionally, and all looked stunning as they came down the aisle.
In the service, we sang ‘He's got the whole world in his hands’ and, at the end, ‘Thank you, Lord, for this new day.’ There were vows of friendship and friendship bracelets exchanged by the happy couple: ‘I give you this bracelet as a sign of our friendship’. Oliver and Nell then gave to each member of Form One a friendship bracelet. It was important that every child should feel valued and wanted on an occasion like this.
Outside the church, senior pupils lined up to cheer the happy couple and the other participants, and all then walked to school for the breakfast: jam sandwiches (my favourite), peanut butter sandwiches, fresh fruit, a wedding cake, and toasts in lemonade. All this occurred in the most splendid gazebo, specially erected for such a jolly occasion.
Alas! No honeymoon! Just ‘Into the classroom now! Put your school clothes on, and let's do some work!’ And they did!
It was wonderful how everyone, children, teachers, parents, entered into the spirit of the ‘wedding’. The children performed their allotted roles magnificently. And the reception was delightful. But I was also struck by the children's awareness of, not just the jollity of a wedding, but the importance of friendship and the seriousness of marriage. They clearly know what husbands and wives, mums and dads should do and be.
Revd Tony Lynn is team vicar of St Mary’s, Hampstead Norreys, Berkshire
I was delighted to see the article Lessons in Friendship featured on the front page of the October issue of The Door. The experience of taking part in a wedding ceremony is a very powerful way for children to learn. We use similar experiential learning in our work in secondary schools in the Diocese, in which we take married couples into schools so the young people can talk to them. Students Exploring Marriage offers young people in schools and Young Offenders Institutions the opportunity to ask married couples any questions they wish about marriage. The couples offer their stories as a resource to the students.
Just as the Revd Lynn was obviously struck by the children's awareness of what husbands and wives, mums and dads should be, we find the young people are very perceptive about marriage and come with a wealth of questions revealing their interest and concern for how to build strong marriages and families in the future.
There are two groups working in the diocese, one centred around Oxford and Buckinghamshire and the other in Berkshire. We always welcome further support organising the programmes, making contact with schools or as couples willing to share the stories of their married life with the young people. Anyone interested should contact Jim Leftwich, 01494 449232 (Oxford & Bucks) or John Kent, 01491 680 288 (Berkshire).
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