[This exercise may be done choosing people who are no longer alive but, of course, with whom you continue to have an ongoing relationship]

a.       Make a list of everyone you have known who has had significance for you as you recall them from the vantage point of this time in your life. 

b.      When you feel that you have listed the main people of significance in your life, choose one person with whom you want to explore something which has importance for you, perhaps it might be some of the more difficult or intriguing aspects of your relationship with them.

As you make your choice, be aware of the discomfort level which might manifest itself through making a particular choice.   You may find it helpful to choose a “straightforward” relationship to first experience the exercise before repeating it with someone with whom you have experienced difficulties.

Having made your choice,  make a “lifeline” by drawing a line across the page of your journal. Divide it into decades from the time your chosen person was born until the year they died (or up to the present time if the person is still alive).  Begin to “plot” on the time-scale all that you can recall about the significant events and facts about their life.  For example, significant anniversaries, where they lived, when they moved, any significant occasions you remember yourself being with them, significant events which happened in your absence and you have picked up by “hear say”. Take time to make the “life-line” as full as you can.

Make notes about the "quality" of the person, the values they held, their strengths and their vulnerabilities as you perceive them. 

Then  choose one significant situation where you were involved and recall it as vividly as you can with the issues, concerns and feelings which were there for you at that time. Take time to journal and capture as much of the experience as you can.  Then try,so to speak, to “climb inside the skin” of your chosen person and do the same re-imagining of that experience from their point of view - as if you were that person.  Then, as that person, make notes in your journal of how the situation felt, of the issues that were around and any feelings and thoughts that emerge.  Take time to repeat this for two or three other encounters with that person.

[It may be helpful to keep in mind that you go back to those times from this present stage of your adult life.  You therefore have more resources and experience than you had when the encounters first happened. At the time you perhaps felt you could have said more, (or wished you had done so).  Alternatively you may have regrets about what you did say.  From your present vantage point, and as you journal, you have the freedom to explore different responses..  Exploring the relationship today gives you more access to the issues and feelings which were or might have been involved.  You now come to it with greater maturity and experience].

c.            Write down a conversation with that person, starting with yourself opening up an exchange.  It is helpful as you journal journal to make clear when you are speaking and when your chosen person is speaking; perhaps use your two names or at least coded letters to make this clear.  This may be quite difficult to do at first; try starting by exchanging factual things and then allow the conversation to deepen. What do you most want to say to this person?  What do you imagine they most want to say to you?  Allow the conversation to build up towards the answer, or perhaps a partial answer, to these questions.  Take all the time you need to allow reflection and perhaps for further additions to the writing.

 When this has come to a natural end, as before, become still, dwell with what you have written for a few minutes, and then summarise with words, phrases, or images expressing your present feelings about the relationship – allowing the work to deepen and for you to become aware of movement.... a difference made..... a new insight......